Live Free or Die Hard: The Implausibilities

Warning! Spoilers Follow! I don't want to ruin anybody's fun, but I just can't let some of the implausibilities of Live Free or Die Hard go without comment. Here's a list of just some of the implausibilities in the movie.

• A raging gun battle goes on in a city for 15 minutes and not even one police car is seen or heard.
• McClane seeks cover behind plaster and lathe walls that are shot to pieces but he's not even nicked.
• Farrell's computer blows apart while McClane and he are in an adjoining room. We see similar explosions level homes earlier, but Farrell and McClane aren't scratched or even bleeding from their ears.
• The bad guys crash the entire country from a moving truck, but never grab for a handhold or sway.
• McClane brings down a helicopter with a police car. (Hint: If you're being shot at from a helicopter at very close range, shoot back at the rotors or motor.)
  
• Standard cell phones are used to hack computer systems and tap into satellite communications.
• An F35 Lightning hovers under an overpass. (Yes, an F35 can hover, but under a highway?)
• McClane survives having missiles and cannons from the F35 shot at him.
• Enough bullets are shot at McClane to keep the U.S. Armed Forces in Iraq supplied for an entire month, but he is never hit. He, of course, dispatches the bad guys with a pistol.
• The hackers tap away on keyboards at hyperspeed and the computers react instantly.
• The bad guys fly over D.C. in an unmarked helicopter while brandishing assault rifles.
• McClane flies a helicopter and finds the Warlocks house miles away without any trouble even though all utilities are out so he's flying through total darkness.
  

Now for the glaring errors --- McClane walks past an overturned Crown Victoria cab and you can clearly see there's no exhaust, transmission, drive shaft, or rear axle. Next to it is another car completely stripped of its interior.C'mon folks! You're making a mega budget Hollywood blockbuster! Is it too much to ask that you not completely strip the cars before burning them?

Still the pace, special effects, and fun of the action carries the movie through all the eye rolling implausibilities. In the end, isn't it all about the spectacle?

Live Free or Die Hard: Implausibly Entertaining

If I judged movies based on plausibility, then Live Free or Die Hard would be one of the worst movies I've ever seen, but that's not how I judge movies. I judge movies based on whether I'm entertained and don't check my watch to see how much longer it is. You won't be checking your watch during this entertaining, fast paced, action flick. Even the critics give it a 78% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes . For once, they seem to recognize a movie for what it is --- mindlessly fun entertainment.

Bruce Willis still has what it takes to play the wisecracking, courageous, super tough cop John McClane. All of the elements of the Die Hard formula are there. Justin Long ,who plays "the Mac" in the Mac vs. PC commercials, is his reluctant good hacker sidekick. The plot involves a high tech scheme to "crash" the U.S. for nefarious purposes. Long's character, Matthew Farrell, is using an Apple computer for his hacking when we first meet him. I wonder if that was a requirement of his contract? For the rest of the movie, he does most of his hacking, including tapping into satellite communications, on a Nokia 9300 PDA phone. Just as implausibly the bad guys use Nokia N95s or similar phones for much of their hacking. Ironically the uberhacker known as "The Warlock" (super-geek director Kevin Smith) exclaims with amazement that the head evil hacker crashed NORAD with "just a laptop." He'll be really amazed to discover the same guy crashes the whole country with a few desktops and cell phones.

This plot wouldn't even have been possible when the first Die Hard was released in 1988. Every day technology has advanced that much. In this movie, computers, cell phones, and the latest STOVL jets are as essential to the plot as the curmudgeonly John McClane.

Timothy Olyphant portrays the chief evil hacker as the kind of villain you just love to hate. Maggie Q plays his girlfriend/accomplice, Mai. McClane describes her as "smokin' hot", as do many Internet commentators, and she is "smokin' hot", but you're not sorry to see her go.

A lot of the implausibilities are good for a chuckle or provide the thrills. There's a lot of bits that make you think "that would never work, but it sure is cool to watch!" After all, cartoonish escapes and the ability to keep going after being run over, shot, beaten, and falling 50 feet are all part of the Die Hard formula.

In the end, good triumphs over evil. McClane is implausibly still standing despite an army of bad guys focused on killing him. He takes a lickin' and keeps tickin', as one character says he's "a Timex watch in a digital world."

A good time was had by all. Even the implausible bits are good for a chuckle so put your brain in park and have a good time.